Sorting Survival is Easy

If there is one thing I’m pretty sure would kill me, it would be to spend weeks having to survive with just my wits and a few elementary tools in the Alaskan wilderness as the Arctic winter sweeps in. However, when I watch “Alone” or any number of other shows based in Alaska which pit a solitary human against a relentless and unforgiving Nature, it’s a different story. In the world of my mind, as I watch others try to survive, I have it all figured out.

Bears are a big deal in Alaska and in these shows in particular. They are large and can kill you. They can take your food and ruin your whole world quite easily. I have a particular fascination with bears and even know a couple of large carnivore biologists, all of whom have had no definitive advice as to what to do when encountering a bear. In any case, bears are a big factor, both as enemies and food sources in these shows, and fortunately for my fantasy survival, I have it all figured out.

The cheval de frise obviously. The precursor to the tank trap, the cheval de frise was invented to discourage and repel cavalry charges against massed infantry. Basically, you have a bunch of sharp bits sticking out all over the place instead of having to have a bunch of guys holding pikes out or going around and pounding tons of stakes into the ground.

Why nobody on “Alone” thought of this I can’t figure out. I sorted it in about 10 minutes the first time I watched some hapless soon to be not-survivor come back from gathering berries or whatever to see that a bear had ransacked his otherwise unprotected camp. The solution to me, as a designer, connoisseur of the built environment and dork who knows way too much about early modern warfare, was as obvious as the show is long.

This isn’t the important part. The important part is how long I’ve been thinking about this, which is since watching Alone season 4 whilst locked in a spare room with Covid at my mom’s house a number of years ago. I’ve been thinking for just as long, I should do this in 3d, this will completely justify the amount of time I’ve spent thinking about this.

The importance is opening the goddamn app, in this case Blender. Doing a thing. Doing anything really. The output is clearly ridiculous, and there is tremendous value in that if you think about this ridiculousness compared to the actual activities of our day to day.

Credits because you didn’t think I modelled that stuff myself did you:

• Chevaux De Frise by diverserp
• Low Poly Bear V2 by Collin Anderson